Depression and anxiety:

"Depression and anxiety has been affecting me for over 5 years now. I was frequently bullied throughout my 3 years at college, which as a result fuelled my anxiety and depression. It affected me in a way that it made me feel worthless and class myself a loser. Being depressed throughout college led to me crying myself to sleep countless times. It was a very painful thinking to myself that I was literally waking up every day to not do anything meaningful, but to just be laughed at. The hardest thing was coming to terms with the thought that my existence didn’t matter to anybody, which gave me suicidal thoughts. I felt I wanted to kill myself so many times throughout college. The depression and anxiety throughout those 3 years was an exhausting, vicious cycle of self-loathing and self-hatred.

This further carried on into my first year at university. I didn’t want to get involved with anything and all the friends I have now, I didn’t have in my first year because I didn’t want to socialise. Through increased isolation came increased depression and I therefore became angry and very bitter. More suicidal thoughts crossed my mind, “What’s the point of living if I’m living to be unhappy?” I thought this to myself many times and was losing all my will and purpose to live. I had thoughts of jumping off the bridge above the train station many times.

I want to say to anyone that is going through depression, don’t let its lies deceive you; depression likes to tell you that you’re worthless and that you don’t matter. YOU DO MATTER to someone, somewhere and you are loved by someone, somewhere. You’re strong for making it this far.

What helped me largely overcome depression were the friends that I started to connect with in my second year. Through their interactions and constant pushing to include themselves in my life, it made me think that there are actually people that want to maybe listen to what I have to say and are interested in what I care about. Also, working behind the bar at the Students’ Union has helped me massively. As I’d never worked on a bar before, it brought me out of my comfort zone. The Students’ Union staff helped me to achieve this and made me interact and feel more included and welcome. Through working there I’ve interacted with so many different people, which has made me forge friendships with so many across the University. Through these connections my depression and anxiety has certainly eased off ten-fold. It still reels its ugly head around the corner every now and again but through my friendships I’m able to knock it back down a peg or two.

Overall, depression has shaped who I am today and I am a better person because of it. My outlook on life and people has vastly changed. I try to be kind to everybody I come across and would advise everybody to do the same because you just don’t know what someone is going through. ‘That loudmouth obnoxious twat’ in your Thursday module who you rudely eye roll could be that way because of parental neglect, or some family problem, you just don’t know. It costs nothing to be kind and one bit of kindness could change someone’s outlook on that day, so always be kind.

If you’re reading this and you struggle with mental health of any kind, I would advise talking to someone. Whether it’s your tutor, course leader, Jenny Wade, VPEW (or any of the sabbatical officers like Joe Collins, like Ohio Orumen), or even the ‘creepy guy’ that never leaves your halls to go to lectures, just talk to someone. Don’t do what I did in my first year and go through it alone. During my second year (now in my third) talking about these problems to people did me a world of good. It’s even given me the confidence to write this article; two years ago I would never have had the confidence to do something like this."

Story submitted by Paul Quaye 

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Depression and anxiety:

Just over six years ago, I was diagnosed with depression. Two years later, as I was recovering from depression, I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder.

I never sought treatment myself. When you’re in such a dark place, it’s difficult to see how there can be any health issue that needs resolving. In my eyes, the way I felt was how I was meant to feel. I felt like there was something evil and external that was polluting my body, but for reasons that I couldn’t work out, I just accepted that it was there to stay. It was my job to learn to live with it, by any means necessary.

I’m pretty sure that I’m not alone in my opinion that for the vast majority of people, the hardest thing about struggling with your mental health is recognising that the pain you feel is a health problem that can be dealt with.

Even though I was an angsty, hormonal and sometimes rebellious teenager, my Mum recognised I was hurting. When I was 13 she drove me to a psychotherapist, explained to me why she had driven me there and offered me the choice of whether to get out of the car or not. No matter what choice I made, I knew she would support me and stand by me. Together, we chose to get out of the car, and go inside.

I can’t imagine how much of a painful experience it was for my Mum to sit in on the six sessions which followed, in hindsight she was the courageous one. It wasn’t a steady improvement by any means - the world is not perfect - but we were getting there.

Once the block of six sessions was complete, school broke up for the summer holidays. In September, my school nurse referred me to a counselling service where I spent 2-3 hours a week having cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). By this point I was feeling less depressed, but due to the high pressure environment of school, I had started having regular panic attacks. They scared me, and other people around me.

I opted for CBT because I wanted to regain control of my body. The idea of taking medication was off-putting to me.

As a result, my self-worth and confidence in myself began to improve. Even though my closest friends had always been there for me, and cared about the fact I was hurting, I was now in a position to help them to understand why. My friends and family were the most helpful coping strategy I had, I just wasn’t able to recognise that when I was feeling at my worst.

I’m now a 20 year-old student coming to the end of my second year of university. I still have highs and lows, and I still have panic attacks, but my mental state is much calmer and controlled now, so the times when I do feel extreme lows or panic are few and far between. Even when I do need help, my family and friends are able to recognise it quickly, usually even quicker than I do.

Everyone’s experience of mental health issues is a personal one. I can’t compile a list of how to deal with depression or anxiety for you, as it would be totally out of order for me to pretend to know how your mind works. However I do have two final closing statements …

1. Your friends and family who form relationships with you, experience you in a different way to how you experience yourself. They recognise things about you that you may well be blinded to. I promise you will have at least one person in your life who wants to support you and help you because they care about you. Try and be open to this love - it may come from people you don’t expect it to.
2. You have choices. You may not be able to make these choices yourself, or even recognise that they are there, but the people who care about you will try their best to support you. Everyone has a right to be happy and comfortable in their own mind and body. Exercise that right, and help others to do so when they are struggling. 

Story submitted anonymously


 

Mindstates: Letting it all out

I’m 21, and I suffer from Generalised Anxiety Disorder and Depression.

Mental health is a very challenging social issue in England, doubly so for young professionals, and those with heavy workloads. In fact, overworking is terrible for your health - if you want to yawn, stretch, or go cook some noodles right now - do it.
Unity and reaching out for help with my acquaintances, faculty, tutors, amongst other close friends and family are all that got me through it.

Now, in the UK, we have a deep set issue, spanning cultures and ethnicities like the disease it is. This issue is that of talking about Mental Health.

Jenny Wade VPEW has had a huge drive in getting this issue out and around Bucks, especially at the High Wycombe Campus as part of her collaborative ‘Peace of Mind’ campaign, which you will have seen around uni - look out for the green wristbands, and start a conversation not just on mental health, but on how the person in front of you is feeling that day.
We can’t simply fix mental health - it is very complex, and merged into far bigger social issues. But we are a generation with more access to online and offline communication than ever.

We can do this - we can tackle mental health, and emotions in general, head on.

The guys in the picture are close friends, both creatives. Our minds can be so beautiful when we have time to thrive as beings - find what makes you happy, and do it. Do it as much as you can. And slowly, with some gritty, hard work, you’ll find your limits - never push too hard; but you will honestly achieve more for yourself, and those close to you.
We can find a few seconds to wave at a friendly face, and ask how friends are doing - even your lecturers (hey, they’re people too!) and faculty staff throughout Bucks New University.

If you take one thing from this issue, and Jenny’s campaign - take this mixture of quotes with you today:
“These things happen - be nice, because burning bridges causes hurt."

Story submitted by Matthew Jacques